Levi Window

I really hope I'm not on your bad side... My personal favorite blog post is "Disclaimer: Does not apply to all"

I'd rather disappear forever.

Talking to you about how I feel.

The Frontiersman

"Daniel Boone was considered a true example of the American spirit of living and conquering the land without devastating it. Many stories circulate about his survival in the wilderness. He killed a bear when he was three years old." 

  We all have a role model we try to live up to. I'm not saying that Daniel Boone is mine but he was a true Frontiersman. A Frontiersman goes into the unknown with courage. One day I want to be able to do the same just like all the people I look up to. It's not all about being "granola" or super in love with nature. It's about doing things you're scared to do. I'm scared of speaking in front of people, I'm scared what comes after high school, and I'm scared of getting old. 

I'm Preston Stark.

My Heart

I don't know how my Heart is doing. I have permanently cut the wires that go from my Heart to my Brain. It's much easier this way trust me. I make less mistakes this way. Good luck out there buddy.

Where ever you are.

My hair is falling out

I'm pretty sure I have a tumor in my head the size of a baseball.

Im stressing over girls

I'm stressing over horny assholes I call friends. I can not put words into the way I feel about my "Friends".....

The silence discribes it better than words ever could. Of course you respect your girlfriend like a little princess. But when it comes to some other girl, someone else's daughter, someone else's friend. You treat her like a piece of meat. What a way to live fellas.... If you are reading which you you probably are..... FUCK YOU!
There now this is a good post  because  I said fuck...

I'm stressing over a mission too as you can tell ^^^^

My hair is really falling out.

I feel bad for track 6

"Miss interpreting high school is common. We often forget how non important it really is. You will never talk to any of your friends you have now after high school". We hear this all the time...

I'm telling you I promise I will know my friends for the rest of my life. High school is a huge contest of "who is more popular"? None of that will matter after high school. You won't even remember who the most popular was.

My friends and I have gone through many trials together as a group. There are some things we experienced that we will never forget. Breaking the barrier of the " hard ass kids" is hard to do. Maybe if we opened up to each other more we could have avoided some terrible things.

The type fear

The type of fear that takes your breath.

The kind the steals your hope.

The kind that comes back again and again.

It won't ever tell you when or where.

It will come uninvited and it leaves when your broken and tired.

It runs your life until it leaves.

It comes from somthing  you love.

No one else knows it's there.

It just wants to be friends.

Are you really alive?

How can you know for sure?

Prove it to me...

Dreaming away

Sometimes I wish I'd fall asleep one night and never wake up. I think that would be for the best really it would. I could finally dream of Paris. I wouldn't ever be disappointed from waking up in the morning and drive to a sea of judgment everyday.  Every one else would be more happy too, not having me stress over every little thing. I don't even know why I'm writing this I only get one view per week on my blog anyways. So I guess this for that one person. Thank you for trying to read my poor excuse for writing. I spell things wrong my punctuation is terrible and it has no structure.

Thanks for reading you one person that takes the time but you are kinda wasting your time. Sorry but it's true. Goodnight.

XR

Get off me, I can't breath! I haven't felt I deep relaxing breathe in months. I just want to be like everyone else, but it impossible for me to do that without you.

First
You
Start
With
My
Hands

Everything I touch is cold with the exception of her. When I touch her my hands melt, but I clean it up with a random topic of conversation hoping she  didn't notice. Why do you do this to me. This never happened to me before you came along.

Then
It's
My
Mind

I can't stop thinking. I find her in the darkest place of my thoughts the place where I put my stress and anxiety. Soon after it will become the brightest place filling my head full memories. But only if I have you. Without you I couldn't have found her. I couldn't have thought about her night and day. I would've said the wrong things to her. I couldn't have dreamed about how maybe one day me and her would be friends. I couldn't get to where I am now with out you.

Now
It's
My
Heart

Beating so hard I can't count the beats. I never was good at counting anyways unless I got you. My blood is boiling with all the anxiety of her. My eyes flutter across the scene of my life. I have no control of you. I'm starting to you run this and I'm just along for the ride.

But are you even worth it?

I'd think so

I've been sitting here in this doctors office for more then an hour now just waiting for you because if i have you I have her and that's worth it.

ACT Score

I got a crappy score on the ACT. If you are a college you look at that for one second and keep flipping through for a 25 or above. Have you ever thought about why that kid got a 20.
Maybe he has dyslexia.
Maybe he has ADHD.
Maybe he has ADD.
Maybe those four hours in a tiny room gave him an anxiety you could feel 2 class rooms away.
Maybe that kid missed half his Junior year because he was in the hospital.
Maybe he doesn't give a shit about your profiling number.
Maybe he just wants to go to your school because he has a desire to learn.
His ACT Score may be low but his will to work at something is high.

Carefree

I want to live Carefree.
Not careless.
I don't want to care what people think.
I don't want to care about money.
I want to care about family.
I want to care about friends.
I want to live like the legends that climbed Everest without know if it was possible.
I want to live like Sir Edmund Hillary.
I want to live likehttp://edmundhillary08.blogspot.com/?m=1
I just want to live my life carefree.

Thinking

I can't sleep
I'm thinking about you
I'm thinking about you like how boys think about girls and how girls think about boys
I'm thinking about you like how clouds think about rain
I'm thinking about you like how snow thinks about the sun and how kids think about fun.
I'm thinking about you
I Don't know why I can't stop.
I'm think about you like how horses think about running and how candles think about burning
I'm thinking.
I can't stop thinking. Even when I sleep you are still there.

Running away

Let's runaway if we leave now they won't know we are gone til morning.

Let's go to New Panzance. We just missed the storm and I'm ready to leave.

There is nothing here for us. These people don't see like we do. We're just a little different.

I want to leave right now! If you don't come I'll just go by myself!

I hate it here. And if you don't want to leave with me your just like the rest.

I hate you too. You're not who you think you are.

A Friend to a friend

Dear friend,

Haha, laughing out loud These are common sounds to me But have you taken the time to consider What it's like to be the man behind the funny Success-measured in laughs Friendship-measured in smiles Self worth always on the line Ready to run a thousand miles I may seem like one to look up to Maybe one to exemplify But in the end what will I be When all the jokes run dry Smart? Maybe, it's hard to show Kind? I'm not the one who would know Neither of these traits help my self esteem And neither feed my ego Have you considered that it may be a front A way to hide myself away Have you considered I think I'm a c*** So I keep my real self at bay So I guess I'll keep up this humorous visage Keep hidden the real me I guess like Gaga I love the applause Funnies all I'll ever be

- I miss you buddy

K

Shallow
Fake
Distant
Cursory
Depthless
Empty
Flat
Slight
Superficial
Surface
Trifling
Trivial
Unsound
Dishonest

Words to discribe 90% of the people at school.

Why I can't use crayons

We know that the left side of the brain is the part that has creativity. This mean that the right side must have the part that's more focused and demanding. Now let's say you have some sort of ADD or ADHD. This makes it hard to use the right side of the brain. And can't control the left side so it will just goes crazy and does what ever it wants. Now let's say some one tells you to take a pill and chill out and work harder in school. That little pill makes the brain switch sides so your completely focused and in th zone. But all your creativity is gone.

This is what happend to me someone gave me a pink pill and told me to chill out. Every thing was much more clear with this little pill. It was also made clear to me that I was turning into a boring person. I don't want to be boring I want to be able to use my left brain and right brain at the same time. Sadly I can not. So I must choose, live like a creative crazy person or, get good grades and be boring? 

I choose the creative crazy freak!

Whyyyyy

Why are we here? You can give me the religious answer and say "we are being tested" . That hardly is an answer. I belive that we are supposed to leave this place better than we found it. I feel like all great people that changed the world knew what they were going to do from a young age. I have no idea what I should do. Where do I start? A career? A belief? A philosophy? I think I may have figured it out. I'll be an example.

An example of how not to care what other think. An example of how to treat other people. An example of Jesus Christ (yes I am religious). An example of mistakes and grief. I could go on about all the things that I try to do just to be a Quality person. But I feel it's not really doing a justice for other people because maybe no one looks to me as an example. So does that mean I'm just wasting my time trying to do right. I know that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks because God sees everything. But how would I be leaving my mark on the world if no one cared? Maybe I should just not give a crap like the rest.

An Owl

Big wide yellow eyes it looks down from above the trees. It doesn't make a sound. It just sits in its tree and looks at you. You freeze trying not to scare it. You look up to it as if it has something to say or some great council. But it doesn't make a sound. Owls are known for being wise.

Symbolic signs of owls are: wisdom, mystery, transition, messages, intelligence, protection, secrets. The Native Americans looked to owls for foresight and keeper of sacred knowledge. I feel like the native Americans knew something we don't. I feel like there is an Owl out the that it keeping my secrets and protecting me. He knows more about me than anyone else. I wish that I could go talk to that owl so that he could tell me what to do. I want to know what he thinks is best for me and what I should do. I bet one day I will be able to talk to him Maybe when I'm dead. I wonder if in heaven animals will be able to talk? I hope so.

WHY MUST WE WRITE ABOUT HATS. I mean, I like hats to wear but I feel like everyone's blog with be the same for this promt. Talking about how we have hats for every situation that we are in like school, friends, church. It's a cool thing to think about but it doesn't really give me a desire to write. Sorry. Don't hate me Nelson

For you and me.

This is something I wrote to myself during the hardest time of my life so far and I'd like to share it with you.

"I don't care what people think of me. What they think should not govern the way I decide to live my life. I should do what feels right and what I like. The reason I do these things is for me, my life, and what I strive for. So I should never care what others think of me. If they really cared they would take the time to get to know me for me and not what they think I am. I should never try to be something I'm not. I will be true to who I am. "

I bring this up because it is the beginning of the school year and we can forget who we are sometimes. I wrote this for myself about a Year ago. I wasn't really dealing with friend problems. It was problems that my friends had and are still having. I wrote this to avoid that. I wrote this for me and for you.